You are Worth Advocating For

Dear Mama,

You are strong. You are fierce. You are amazing.

That little person inside of you is so lucky to have you as their strongest advocate, someone who would fight to hell and back to ensure they get not only the best possible chance at survival but at thriving.

While you lay in your bed, IV in your arm, monitors on your belly, tired and worn down, likely wondering why your body betrayed you, unable to do the one thing it was designed to do, I want you to remember that you are worth the same level of love and advocacy you are giving to your child.

The medical arena can be an overwhelming, clinical, scary place. The pace of information, questions, and decisions is unforgiving, thrown one right after the other, after the other. It's easy to feel railroaded and like you are drowning, unable to keep up. Add to the fact that it is all presented in a manner that either makes you feel dismissed, or like you are the reason behind everything happening and it is easy to get stuck in one's head. From there it is easy to think that you have no way of controlling the train of medical care, especially in complex cases, but the reality is that unless something is truly life or death, you absolutely can control the narrative.

You will never be able to control the outcome, that's in God's hands. But you can control the pace at which things are done, the amount of information you arm yourself with, and the questions you ask. So much control has likely been stripped from you recently. The beautiful pregnancy you imagined when you saw those two pink lines hanging by a thread made from your innermost strength and as tiring as it is, you are the only one who can continue to fuel it. You are worth taking that control back.

So the next time you feel dizzy with a lack of understanding, but worry about offending the doctors who are speaking circles around you, as if you are simply the next medical case on their rounds list, take this letter as permission to interrupt them and ask your questions, have them explain the things you don't understand, and if it doesn't make sense the first time, have them explain it again.

You know your body better than anybody, and you know your pregnancy better than anyone too. You are not only your baby's voice but your own too. You did not lose worth because your pregnancy didn't go the way you planned or the way society tells you it should. You are worthy of love, care, understanding, and the best possible medical care for you and your baby. And though you shouldn't have to fight for that, if you find yourself in the position that you are fighting for it - know you are worth the fight, not just because you are a mama, but because you, yourself are worth it.

With love,

Deanna

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