Ways to Bond with Your NICU Baby

Though I tried hard to ignore it, I always had this underlying fear that I would fail to bond with my baby due to my rough pregnancy and her even rougher start to life. I felt as if I was missing all of the vital moments that would solidify being my daughter's mama during that first week when I was too weak to even stand on my own. And then again when I had to leave her with other people every night. If you are feeling this same way, I see you. Let me reassure you that my daughter and I are beautifully bonded and I am 100% her person.

Despite the reassurances, you likely would rather have some practical ways to bond with your baby while they are in the NICU. Here is a list of things I did to help bond with my baby.

1. Provide scent cloths/hearts for their isolette. My baby was so fragile that I couldn't even touch her for weeks. Being able to wear a scent cloth and then have the nurses place it in her isolette with her, let her get comfort from my smell.
   

2. Bring a blanket from home to cover the isolette. Though this doesn't directly lead to a connection between baby and mama, I found it to be a way for me to feel like I was taking care of my baby when I could do nothing else. Doing this was good for my mental health.
   

3. Bring in blankets and sheets to be used in your baby's isolette. This had the same effect as the blanket for the outside of the isolette. It's something I wish I had done sooner, that is how profound the effect of seeing my daughter surrounded by her own belongings was on me. The likelihood is that these items also smell of you which is a bonding piece for your baby as well.
   

4. Read/Sing/Talk to your baby. Though there are OT-recommended volumes and lengths of time for these things depending on the age of your baby, it is always recommended to spend at least a little bit of time interacting verbally with your baby. Hearing your voice can be very calming in such a stressful environment.
   

5. Give your baby hand hugs. This is another OT-recommended activity that provides a huge bonding opportunity. Ask your baby's OT and nurses when you can start giving hand hugs, and how you go about doing so. (Always remember to use a firm, but gentle touch with your preemie. Soft stroking touches can be painful to your little one.)
   

6. Hold your baby skin-to-skin. Once your baby is strong and stable enough ask your baby's OT and nurse about skin-to-skin holding. In my opinion, this is the best way to bond with your baby. It is the most natural thing to do, and likely what your body has yearned to do since your baby was born. Be sure to have a robe, blanket, and hat ready to go for when you get the go-ahead to hold your baby and don't forget to ask your nurse to take pictures for you! It's a huge milestone you will want to capture!
   

7. Participate in Cares. Preemie babies are TINY. So tiny that it feels like one wrong touch of a fingertip would cause them to crumble. Add in all of the wires and tubes and it's a thousand times worse. This can make it easy for you to become a passive observer in your baby's care because your nurse is much more sure of themselves. Don't your fear keep you from this amazing bonding opportunity! From day one, let your baby's nurse know you want to be as hands-on with your baby's cares as possible. Your nurses, once your baby is stable enough, will help guide you on how to do things like change diapers, take temperatures and blood pressures, and many other things if you make this known! Do remember to trust and respect your nurses if they say your baby isn't ready for something yet, they are not trying to keep you from your baby, they are simply using their expertise to keep your baby safe.
   

8. Learn about massage techniques. This is something that will come later, but is a great thing to learn to help your baby cope with stress and gas bubbles alike. Work with your baby's OT to learn all of the amazing recommended massages for your little one!
   

9. Learn about preemie stress cues and then learn your baby's. This seems like an odd way to bond, but if you can tell when your baby is stressed out you can better respond to them. This will prevent you from accidentally making a positive experience into a negative and potentially painful one. The goal in all things bonding and development with preemies is to keep the experiences positive!
   

10. Interact with them. This one comes way down the road when they are more stable and working with PT and Speech as well as OT. Get involved in all of the therapies your baby is receiving. Not only are they great learning opportunities for you they are also great bonding opportunities for you and your baby!

Back